confessions of a...

gas station attendant.

Sometimes us humans aren't very smart. We all have our blonde moments, some more than others. I haven't quite figured out which I think is worse: saying something stupid in front of total strangers or in front of your friends. It is funnier to me, however, to blog about complete strangers that made a fool of themselves in front of me.
These few examples come from folks mistaking product or company names, which left me clenching my mouth shut so I didn't burst out laughing.
A lady came in the other day and asked for "Pyramid Mint Lights"....what!? Assuming she wanted some kind of cigarette, I said, "Do you mean Parliament, not Pyramid?"
"No, Pyramid Mint Lights", she insisted.
I politely told her there was no such brand as Pyramid cigarettes and that cigarettes come only in regular and menthol, not mint. The whole time I was trying not to chortle.
She looked at me, a bit embarassed, and admitted they weren't for her and asked if she could see the package on the Parliament Menthol Lights.
+1 time the customer was not right.

Quite a while ago a woman came in and ordered "Caramel Lights"....again, what!?!
This one was a bit more obvious, she was ordering "Camel Lights", but apparently was letter-happy and added a few to her order.
I repeated, "Camel Lights?" to clarify and she looked at me angrily and said "What? No! Caramel Lights! The blue and white box! CARAMEL LIGHTS!" Okay okay. Crazy woman.
Caramel? Really? Wow.
+1 more time the customer was not right.

(And the best...)
A guy walked in the store and started looking around. I asked if he needed help finding anything. He said no, but looked very reluctant about his answer as he kept on his search. A bit later he walked up towards the counter and said "I'm looking for these snacks...and I think they are the Dolly Parton snacks. Yes yes yes! That's it, the Dolly Parton snacks."
I was puzzled. And flabbergasted. And this time I definitely let a laugh out.
He tried to explain to me what he was looking for, but I couldn't make out if it was a candy bar or what he was looking for, he just kept insisting that it was a Dolly Parton brand snack.
Finally, it clicked. He was looking for the Little Debbie snacks. I lost it. I was nearly in tears by the time he picked out what he wanted. The best part? He picked out Little Debbie Sno Balls....

You might think I'm lying. But I'm not.

Have a good day, come back soon. Don't let the embarrassing times get you down, we all do it.

confessions of a...

gas station attendant.

Sometimes I hear funny.

"Do you got llamas?"

I knew there was more than a grammatical error to this sentence, for it simply did not make sense! Who walks into a gas station and inquires about llamas!? Exactly. No one.
Well, it sounds like something the Martian Man would've done, but he hasn't been around for years. More about him another day.
Llamas become Mambas and make much more sense. The happy customer swipes 4 packages of Mambas with twinkling eyes of wonderment and joy.

confessions of a...

gas station attendant.

The other day a customer took the checkbook-balancing-at-the-counter trend a little too far. Yep. She pulled out a calculator. I looked at her in awe as I saw the clock flip to 5:30pm out of the corner of my eye. Other folks lined up behind her and waited impatiently as she punched away at her number-subtracting-machine. Ugh.


Tonight a little Korean man came in, as he does every week, to buy $40 in Powerball tickets for a pool he has with his coworkers. He's a funny fellow...often humming or whistling as I scan his lottery tickets, hoping for a winner. Occasionally he says something strange, but not weird strange, but the kind of strange where I find something hilarious that he said when he did not intend for it to be funny, and visa versa.
He walked in this evening and said, "Hi, you look like you could be your sister."
"My sister?", I said confused, "I don't have a sister."
"Well you look like you are your sister."
"Okay...."
"You don't have a sister?"
"Nope, I don't have a sister."
"Your brother?"
"I don't have a brother, and if I did I would surely hope that I wouldn't look like him!"
"No brother and no sister? Don't you want a sister?"
"No, I don't think I'd want a sister."
"Don't you want a brother?"
"No, I don't think I'd want a brother either."
"Well, what do you want then!?!?"
"......a husband", I said as I started chuckling.
He didn't get it, but I thought it was funny.

This summer there was a very attractive fellow from Queensland, Australia that was here playing fastpitch baseball or softball or some sport where he was a pitcher and threw a ball very fast. Anyhow, he was always very confused about our coins and would just throw them on the counter and ask me to help him count our "crazy looking money". It always throws me off when someone comes in and orders something with a thick foreign accent. It takes my brain a few seconds to realize that I need to pay closer attention because this guy was not asking for a lye turd, but he was saying "lie-tuh, lie-TUH! I need a lie-tuh." A what? Oh. Marry me. Thanks.