Gas Station Attendant.
Well team, it's been a long time, but I'm back a the store for a little while now that I moved back to part time at the shelter. Tonight I set a store record in customer count and thought that deserved a lil post on the silly things I saw tonight.
Darboy has a town festival called "Chickenfest" (strangely named like other town festivals in the area -- Cheese Fest, Paper Fest, Water Fest, Testicle Festival, etc) and it happened this weekend. There's a parade and bands and chicken and beer and rides and LOTS and LOTS of people flocking to Darbonia to hang out.
Strange kid, as would be narrated by Morgan Freeman:
Hey kid, you're at that point in life where you have a full mustache but still are squeaking and cracking so you have no choice but to give the lady gas station attendant the silent treatment while you wait for her to ring up your two mountain dews (the elixir of life). Silent but proud, you turn your head to show off the glistening glimmer of your dirty blonde 14 year-old mustache, an act you have perfected over the last few hours you spent at the town festival trying to pick up babes, silently. Golden and godly in your black under armor shirt, khaki cargo pants and black church shoes, your future is wide open; it could go way of the babe warrior, brilliant and bodacious, or it could go way of wolf shirts and acne and too much BSG. No one knows, not even you as you sit there, gleaming. You, silent kid, are freakin' terrifying.
Creepiest thing I saw tonight:
Pink baby sock with pink hearts turned coin purse.
Happiest customer tonight:
30 year old guy buying a super jumbo $5.99 bag of popcorn. 2 pounds of pure bliss, bebe!
Strangest conversation I had tonight:
"Do I need to be concerned about that bruise on your arm?", asked a 60 year old, 6'4" crass man.
"What? No. I don't even know how I got it, it's just one that's lingering", I said.
"Well I think you're being beaten. Are you a battered woman?"
"Uh, no. Thanks for the concern, though." (I guess?)
"Okay. I still don't believe you. But have a good day."
6.26.2011
1.26.2010
confessions of a...
gas station attendant..
Last night a guy came in and walked over to the automotive section. He stood, pointing at the oil & looking at me and asked, "Hey, is this stuff for sale?"
Sorry for the unplanned hiatus. I moved to a new place and finally got internet here. Many more posts to follow!
Last night a guy came in and walked over to the automotive section. He stood, pointing at the oil & looking at me and asked, "Hey, is this stuff for sale?"
Sorry for the unplanned hiatus. I moved to a new place and finally got internet here. Many more posts to follow!
11.15.2009
confessions of a...
gas station attendant.
Sometimes us humans aren't very smart. We all have our blonde moments, some more than others. I haven't quite figured out which I think is worse: saying something stupid in front of total strangers or in front of your friends. It is funnier to me, however, to blog about complete strangers that made a fool of themselves in front of me.
These few examples come from folks mistaking product or company names, which left me clenching my mouth shut so I didn't burst out laughing.
A lady came in the other day and asked for "Pyramid Mint Lights"....what!? Assuming she wanted some kind of cigarette, I said, "Do you mean Parliament, not Pyramid?"
"No, Pyramid Mint Lights", she insisted.
I politely told her there was no such brand as Pyramid cigarettes and that cigarettes come only in regular and menthol, not mint. The whole time I was trying not to chortle.
She looked at me, a bit embarassed, and admitted they weren't for her and asked if she could see the package on the Parliament Menthol Lights.
+1 time the customer was not right.
Quite a while ago a woman came in and ordered "Caramel Lights"....again, what!?!
This one was a bit more obvious, she was ordering "Camel Lights", but apparently was letter-happy and added a few to her order.
I repeated, "Camel Lights?" to clarify and she looked at me angrily and said "What? No! Caramel Lights! The blue and white box! CARAMEL LIGHTS!" Okay okay. Crazy woman.
Caramel? Really? Wow.
+1 more time the customer was not right.
(And the best...)
A guy walked in the store and started looking around. I asked if he needed help finding anything. He said no, but looked very reluctant about his answer as he kept on his search. A bit later he walked up towards the counter and said "I'm looking for these snacks...and I think they are the Dolly Parton snacks. Yes yes yes! That's it, the Dolly Parton snacks."
I was puzzled. And flabbergasted. And this time I definitely let a laugh out.
He tried to explain to me what he was looking for, but I couldn't make out if it was a candy bar or what he was looking for, he just kept insisting that it was a Dolly Parton brand snack.
Finally, it clicked. He was looking for the Little Debbie snacks. I lost it. I was nearly in tears by the time he picked out what he wanted. The best part? He picked out Little Debbie Sno Balls....
Sometimes us humans aren't very smart. We all have our blonde moments, some more than others. I haven't quite figured out which I think is worse: saying something stupid in front of total strangers or in front of your friends. It is funnier to me, however, to blog about complete strangers that made a fool of themselves in front of me.
These few examples come from folks mistaking product or company names, which left me clenching my mouth shut so I didn't burst out laughing.
A lady came in the other day and asked for "Pyramid Mint Lights"....what!? Assuming she wanted some kind of cigarette, I said, "Do you mean Parliament, not Pyramid?"
"No, Pyramid Mint Lights", she insisted.
I politely told her there was no such brand as Pyramid cigarettes and that cigarettes come only in regular and menthol, not mint. The whole time I was trying not to chortle.
She looked at me, a bit embarassed, and admitted they weren't for her and asked if she could see the package on the Parliament Menthol Lights.
+1 time the customer was not right.
Quite a while ago a woman came in and ordered "Caramel Lights"....again, what!?!
This one was a bit more obvious, she was ordering "Camel Lights", but apparently was letter-happy and added a few to her order.
I repeated, "Camel Lights?" to clarify and she looked at me angrily and said "What? No! Caramel Lights! The blue and white box! CARAMEL LIGHTS!" Okay okay. Crazy woman.
Caramel? Really? Wow.
+1 more time the customer was not right.
(And the best...)
A guy walked in the store and started looking around. I asked if he needed help finding anything. He said no, but looked very reluctant about his answer as he kept on his search. A bit later he walked up towards the counter and said "I'm looking for these snacks...and I think they are the Dolly Parton snacks. Yes yes yes! That's it, the Dolly Parton snacks."
I was puzzled. And flabbergasted. And this time I definitely let a laugh out.
He tried to explain to me what he was looking for, but I couldn't make out if it was a candy bar or what he was looking for, he just kept insisting that it was a Dolly Parton brand snack.
Finally, it clicked. He was looking for the Little Debbie snacks. I lost it. I was nearly in tears by the time he picked out what he wanted. The best part? He picked out Little Debbie Sno Balls....
You might think I'm lying. But I'm not.
Have a good day, come back soon. Don't let the embarrassing times get you down, we all do it.
11.11.2009
confessions of a...
gas station attendant.
Sometimes I hear funny.
"Do you got llamas?"
I knew there was more than a grammatical error to this sentence, for it simply did not make sense! Who walks into a gas station and inquires about llamas!? Exactly. No one.
Well, it sounds like something the Martian Man would've done, but he hasn't been around for years. More about him another day.
Llamas become Mambas and make much more sense. The happy customer swipes 4 packages of Mambas with twinkling eyes of wonderment and joy.
Sometimes I hear funny.
"Do you got llamas?"
I knew there was more than a grammatical error to this sentence, for it simply did not make sense! Who walks into a gas station and inquires about llamas!? Exactly. No one.
Well, it sounds like something the Martian Man would've done, but he hasn't been around for years. More about him another day.
Llamas become Mambas and make much more sense. The happy customer swipes 4 packages of Mambas with twinkling eyes of wonderment and joy.
11.05.2009
confessions of a...
gas station attendant.
The other day a customer took the checkbook-balancing-at-the-counter trend a little too far. Yep. She pulled out a calculator. I looked at her in awe as I saw the clock flip to 5:30pm out of the corner of my eye. Other folks lined up behind her and waited impatiently as she punched away at her number-subtracting-machine. Ugh.
Tonight a little Korean man came in, as he does every week, to buy $40 in Powerball tickets for a pool he has with his coworkers. He's a funny fellow...often humming or whistling as I scan his lottery tickets, hoping for a winner. Occasionally he says something strange, but not weird strange, but the kind of strange where I find something hilarious that he said when he did not intend for it to be funny, and visa versa.
He walked in this evening and said, "Hi, you look like you could be your sister."
"My sister?", I said confused, "I don't have a sister."
"Well you look like you are your sister."
"Okay...."
"You don't have a sister?"
"Nope, I don't have a sister."
"Your brother?"
"I don't have a brother, and if I did I would surely hope that I wouldn't look like him!"
"No brother and no sister? Don't you want a sister?"
"No, I don't think I'd want a sister."
"Don't you want a brother?"
"No, I don't think I'd want a brother either."
"Well, what do you want then!?!?"
"......a husband", I said as I started chuckling.
He didn't get it, but I thought it was funny.
This summer there was a very attractive fellow from Queensland, Australia that was here playing fastpitch baseball or softball or some sport where he was a pitcher and threw a ball very fast. Anyhow, he was always very confused about our coins and would just throw them on the counter and ask me to help him count our "crazy looking money". It always throws me off when someone comes in and orders something with a thick foreign accent. It takes my brain a few seconds to realize that I need to pay closer attention because this guy was not asking for a lye turd, but he was saying "lie-tuh, lie-TUH! I need a lie-tuh." A what? Oh. Marry me. Thanks.
The other day a customer took the checkbook-balancing-at-the-counter trend a little too far. Yep. She pulled out a calculator. I looked at her in awe as I saw the clock flip to 5:30pm out of the corner of my eye. Other folks lined up behind her and waited impatiently as she punched away at her number-subtracting-machine. Ugh.
Tonight a little Korean man came in, as he does every week, to buy $40 in Powerball tickets for a pool he has with his coworkers. He's a funny fellow...often humming or whistling as I scan his lottery tickets, hoping for a winner. Occasionally he says something strange, but not weird strange, but the kind of strange where I find something hilarious that he said when he did not intend for it to be funny, and visa versa.
He walked in this evening and said, "Hi, you look like you could be your sister."
"My sister?", I said confused, "I don't have a sister."
"Well you look like you are your sister."
"Okay...."
"You don't have a sister?"
"Nope, I don't have a sister."
"Your brother?"
"I don't have a brother, and if I did I would surely hope that I wouldn't look like him!"
"No brother and no sister? Don't you want a sister?"
"No, I don't think I'd want a sister."
"Don't you want a brother?"
"No, I don't think I'd want a brother either."
"Well, what do you want then!?!?"
"......a husband", I said as I started chuckling.
He didn't get it, but I thought it was funny.
This summer there was a very attractive fellow from Queensland, Australia that was here playing fastpitch baseball or softball or some sport where he was a pitcher and threw a ball very fast. Anyhow, he was always very confused about our coins and would just throw them on the counter and ask me to help him count our "crazy looking money". It always throws me off when someone comes in and orders something with a thick foreign accent. It takes my brain a few seconds to realize that I need to pay closer attention because this guy was not asking for a lye turd, but he was saying "lie-tuh, lie-TUH! I need a lie-tuh." A what? Oh. Marry me. Thanks.
10.26.2009
confessions of a...
gas station attendant.
Kids are hilarious. They say funny things that make us adults laugh, not because what they say is neccessarily funny, but the manner and context in which they say it, topped with the undeniable kid-innocence that we all had back in the day of Cabbage Patch Kids (my beloved Jobina Ruth!) and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and wooden toys and metal playgrounds and walking to school uphill both ways barefoot in the snow...
Anyway, there are a lot of kids we know here by name...I have a silly habit of only asking the names of the awesome ones so my work life is full of awesome tiny friends.
Tonight 2 year old witty as all get out Liam came in with his dad and brother, Hayden (who is about 5), who Liam introduced to my mom and I. (My mom is the owner, for those of you who didn't know.) My mom misunderstood little Liam and thought Hayden's name was Caden (equally awesome name) and said "Hi Caden! Nice to meet you!"
Hayden replied, "Actually it's Hayden."
My mom apologized and gave a very motherly response of, "I'm sorry honey" as his dad chucked at how serious he was about correcting her. She carried on, "That's alright Hayden. Our name is the only thing that can't be taken away from us, so we have to be proud of the one we have."
Hayden proudly replied, "Yeah, except for Chad Johnson. He changed his last name to Ocho Cinco so he didn't want his old name, now his name is the same as his numbers. He's like 'hey everybody, call me Ocho Cinco it's Spanish for my number but now it's my name!' which is pretty weird."
His dad, my mom & I completely lost it! Between laughs I managed to say to Hayden, "You're completely right buddy!"
Man, I love little kids.
Kids are hilarious. They say funny things that make us adults laugh, not because what they say is neccessarily funny, but the manner and context in which they say it, topped with the undeniable kid-innocence that we all had back in the day of Cabbage Patch Kids (my beloved Jobina Ruth!) and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and wooden toys and metal playgrounds and walking to school uphill both ways barefoot in the snow...
Anyway, there are a lot of kids we know here by name...I have a silly habit of only asking the names of the awesome ones so my work life is full of awesome tiny friends.
Tonight 2 year old witty as all get out Liam came in with his dad and brother, Hayden (who is about 5), who Liam introduced to my mom and I. (My mom is the owner, for those of you who didn't know.) My mom misunderstood little Liam and thought Hayden's name was Caden (equally awesome name) and said "Hi Caden! Nice to meet you!"
Hayden replied, "Actually it's Hayden."
My mom apologized and gave a very motherly response of, "I'm sorry honey" as his dad chucked at how serious he was about correcting her. She carried on, "That's alright Hayden. Our name is the only thing that can't be taken away from us, so we have to be proud of the one we have."
Hayden proudly replied, "Yeah, except for Chad Johnson. He changed his last name to Ocho Cinco so he didn't want his old name, now his name is the same as his numbers. He's like 'hey everybody, call me Ocho Cinco it's Spanish for my number but now it's my name!' which is pretty weird."
His dad, my mom & I completely lost it! Between laughs I managed to say to Hayden, "You're completely right buddy!"
Man, I love little kids.
10.18.2009
confessions of a...
gas station attendant.
I love messing with drunk people. It's probably one of my favorite parts of the late night, almost closed up, few straggler customers, finish up cleaning and get excited to go home time of night.
After a long conversation about the floor and pint vs. 12oz cans of beer, and how I actually did carve those pumpkins on the counter, and no, he can't poke the owls eyes out just to see what it's like...
Drunk dude: "So like what do you do? You hang out? When are we hanging out? So like you work and then you hang out huh?"
Me: "Yes. I work and I hang out."
Drunk dude: "So like hang out with your boyfriend? Or what? your boyfriend?"
Me: "Yes. With my boyfriend."
Drunk dude: "Dude you're breaking my heart. You gotta boyfriend?" (grabs his chest like he's in pain.)
Me: "Are you sure I'm breaking your heart? ...because that's your right boob."
BAHAHA!
I love messing with drunk people. It's probably one of my favorite parts of the late night, almost closed up, few straggler customers, finish up cleaning and get excited to go home time of night.
After a long conversation about the floor and pint vs. 12oz cans of beer, and how I actually did carve those pumpkins on the counter, and no, he can't poke the owls eyes out just to see what it's like...
Drunk dude: "So like what do you do? You hang out? When are we hanging out? So like you work and then you hang out huh?"
Me: "Yes. I work and I hang out."
Drunk dude: "So like hang out with your boyfriend? Or what? your boyfriend?"
Me: "Yes. With my boyfriend."
Drunk dude: "Dude you're breaking my heart. You gotta boyfriend?" (grabs his chest like he's in pain.)
Me: "Are you sure I'm breaking your heart? ...because that's your right boob."
BAHAHA!
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